The day I didn't die

The Day I Didn't Die

  Walking on the bare beach with bare feet, i could feel the sand sink beneath me, crumbling with every step, almost in surrender to the power of my weight. Thoughts clouded my mind, creating fog as dense and as dark as the very sky above my head. Pungent as ever the salty air filled my lungs, tickled my taste buds and made my eyes water. At least, that's what i told myself. I was really just crying.Thank God, the vast stretch of sand was empty. There was not a soul around to witness me in my moments of weakness. I could not go on. I sat down and as I squeezed my eyes shut, i listened to the once, calm waves, break furiously against the shore.

The ocean looked so giving, so powerful, so strong. Qualities which i fail to possess. They called me a coward. Told me that i was on a one way journey to nowhere. I fought, at least I tried to. I am pretty sure that I had lost. Defeated in a battle of words unspoken, there i sat , a mere prisoner of war. The tide began to recede and there was a moment of silence, so unbearably loud, that i wanted to scream. I did. I cried aloud, hoping that my plea would reach the heavens where i would be forgiven for the sin i was about to commit. Almost as if in response , the seagulls began to cry. Shill and loud, like they could feel my pain. Ha! If they only knew. Nonetheless, they gave me hope. Hope that i wasn't alone. No, being alone was my destiny as is life and death. The thought sunk deep, right into the pit of my stomach where i felt a sudden surge of need, longing. Longing for the life i never lived, could never live.It was too late.

The sun had set and it was time. The sky and the waters were the same color, black. The fog made it impossible to see the horizon. The heavens and the ocean merged as one, inviting me to join the party. My farewell party. Oh, Cruel fate! With my eyes closed, i slowly made my way towards the water. The sand got damper with every step. Almost there. I surprised my self by giving out a tiny yelp when my feet touched the cool water and i almost smiled at myself. Almost. I could practically hear the ocean calling my name, welcoming me with open arms. I took another step towards the unknown. Knee deep, waist deep, i let the water cleanse me. I would die pure and innocent. Shoulder deep, neck deep, it took me everything i had left within me not to go back to land. I knew better. Chin deep, nose deep, body shivering, teeth chattering. I was about to take my last step when someone yelled STOP!